my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
