p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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