So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
