Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
