I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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