A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
