remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
