I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Help. Why am I so naked?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
