I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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