dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
