How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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