Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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