So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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