She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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