If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
