$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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