The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize