If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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