I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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