Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
