she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Semen is not good for contacts.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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