I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
