So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
