I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
