I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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