Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Welp...herpes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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