He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone came in the potted fern
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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