He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
