Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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