sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
