woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
