but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
