Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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