I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
