And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
