I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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