I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
