Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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