things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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