Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
