Just took my morning after pill in the library
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
