Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
