i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
