once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
