im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need moral support for this bender
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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