I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
