Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My vagina just recognized that song.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos