Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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