Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
