you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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