idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
