I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.