Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi