Your tits are I can't wait for
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents