It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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I intend to get homeless drunk
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
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My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot