I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
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The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?