yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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