What did we do last night that was yellow?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
