I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
