Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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