Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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