I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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