I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
