There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
