Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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